Turning water into wine! How ever did you do it?
It’s highly confidential. There was really nothing to it.
You can trust me Jesus, I wouldn’t breathe a word!
Really? I can trust you? That isn’t what I’ve heard.
But later in the evening he called me to his side
And told the shocking story of the day he sort of… lied!
“We’d all gone to this wedding, and things were going fine
Until my mother noticed they were running out of wine.
Well, budgets here are limited, unless you’re friends with Rome
And often when the wine runs out it’s time to head for home.
The night was young, the food was good and love was in the air
And the bride was looking lovely and she’d flowers in her hair.
The groom, who’d ordered in the wine, was wallowing in shame;
He knew his new relations would be giving him the blame,
So we put our heads together and we came up with a plan
To bless the joyous union of this woman and this man.
We staged a family argument to get the guests’ attention –
Thus gaining time to organise our cunning intervention.
My mother said, ‘They have no wine!’ on cue, just like we’d taught her,
And while I had the servants topping up some pots with water,
Nathaniel slipped away to see a bloke he knew in town
Who had over-ordered vintage wine and dropped his prices down.
We’d all chipped in to pay the bill and thought it might be funny
To give this as our wedding gift instead of just the money.
We squared things with the servants so they knew what we had planned
And with some mock amazement and a little sleight of hand
They carried in the jugs of wine, pretending they had come
From the pots they’d filled with water, and they shrugged and acted dumb
When the guests all said, ‘A miracle! We can’t believe it’s true!’
(And it wasn’t, but remember this is just twixt me and you.)
Well, the best man was delighted and declared that he was sure
It was better far than any wine he’d ever drunk before.
He carried on this eulogy and gave the groom the credit
And everyone agreed with what he said and how he said it.
Then people started dancing, and the father of the bride
Said that having such a son-in-law had filled his heart with pride.
Of course there wasn’t vintage wine in each and every pot!
That would have cost a fortune and we didn’t earn a lot.
Besides, that quantity of wine would just have gone to waste,
Unless you think that vinegar has got a pleasant taste.
Imagine too the damage so much alcohol could do!
There would have been a punch-up, plus a funeral or two.
But as the guests were heading home the bride was heard to say
That our magic trick had rounded off the perfect wedding day,
And the groom was very grateful, for we’d hidden his mistake,
And they called our little miracle the icing on their cake.”
The moral of this story, if a moral’s what you’re after,
Is that miracles work best when they’re accompanied by laughter.