Bad Sir Donald Trumpington

(after A A Milne’s Bad Sir Brian Botany)
21 April 2017

Sir Donald had a battleship
With great big missiles,
He aimed them into Syria
And broke some of their planes.
On Sundays and on Saturdays,
Because we’re in the Latter Days,
He plays a round of golf or two
And casually explains:
“I am Sir Donald – Kaboom!
I am Sir Donald – Kersplat!
I am Sir Donnie, The Bold and The Bonnie
Take that and that and that!”

Sir Donald had a carrier
With great big planes on.
He sent it to Korea
Just to show them he was tough.
But by some disconnection
They went in the wrong direction
And they had to turn around again
And claim it was a bluff.
“I am Sir Donald, Fake News!
I am Sir Donald, Tweet, Tweet!
I am Sir Donnie, I’m brainy and bonnie,
Has anyone seen my fleet?”

Sir Donald was quite worried about
Russian spies and tax returns,
He tried to make things better
With the “Mother of all Bombs.”
But people were beginning
To suspect that all this “winning”
Was really an illusion
And another of his cons.
“You are Sir Donald? Big League?
You are Sir Donald? Fake news!
You are Sir Donnie, The Bold and The Bonnie,
But have you been paying your dues?”

Sir Donald woke one morning
And he wasn’t in the White House,
They’d flown him down to Florida
And locked him in his room.
He’s quite a different fellow
And he’s feeling much more mellow
Now he isn’t pushing all of us
Towards the brink of doom.
“I am Sir Donald? Oh no!
I am Sir Donald? Not me!
I haven’t got any title, I’m Trumpington
Plain Mr Trumpington, D.”